Are there communication skills you didn’t know you needed?

Renowned family therapist Virginia Satir once said, “Communication is to a relationship what breathing is to life.”
What did she mean by this?

Communication is vital to our relationships, just as vital as breath is to our body. Most of us know this. When we communicate well, we achieve harmony and a happy outcome. When we communicate poorly, we can see, hear and find ourselves at the centre of conflict, commiseration and complaints. In the past we may have found ourselves saying something we knew we shouldn’t say or communicating a look we knew would make the situation worse, like a glare or an eyeroll. Most of us have done it, because we’re human beings. Even the coolest character you may aspire to be like, or the calmest, clearest communicator you know, may have done this when tired or frustrated.

Communication is not black or white, because our personalities are not. Communication contains many gradients of colour, just as multi-hued as our personality. And the key is to be who we are – it’s easiest to be yourself; you expend less energy than trying to be someone else – whilst communicating easily with all types of people from all walks of life and cultures and gradient shades of character.

Does it require an investment in your time and energy? Yes. Does it require you to open your mind and learn something new? Yes. Does it demand you put your ego aside so you can improve something which isn’t working for you? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes. Yes. Yes.

I was once a teacher who was terrified of speaking in front of large groups of people. I was so terrified I’d send my seven-year-old students up at whole school gatherings to speak on my behalf #BadRoleModel

As  a teacher, I also experienced incredible frustration with a specific group of students whom I could never reach no matter how much I planned, how much effort I put in, nor how many words I spoke. They remained slightly out of reach and “unteachable”. And there was always a handful of colleagues with whom I could never “click”, or share a common vision with, or feel comfortable in their presence. Despite my efforts and care – and I did care about people and having happy relationships – no matter how hard I efforted, I’d walk away feeling misunderstood, unseen, unheard. And I’d sense they felt the same. Now, I know they all shared a specific communication style and it was very different to mine.

When I was fourteen, my Dad gave me a very cool book – How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I read that book cover to cover, thrilled I finally had a skill to connect with other people, to get past my shyness and introversion. I devoured it over and over and practised the skills. I read other books on communication and personality and even sales skills – because as a teacher I was selling concepts to kids every day, convincing them they needed to take on this particular mathematical ability or that particular writing genre. Most of these skills and systems were amazing – I studied everything from Myers-Briggs to Astrology – and they all contributed to my understanding of myself and others. Yet until I came across the four communication preferences outlined in my book Confident Communication for Leaders (co-authored with Carol Fox), the level of skill I desired, the ability to communicate with ease with anyone, eluded me. And it was immensely frustrating.

Some of us struggle to communicate. Others find it easy. And some people vary along this spectrum depending on their confidence levels, or the arena they’re playing in. Some people are confident at home, and with their best mates, but not at work. Others may find communicating with colleagues, clients and customers easy-peasy yet struggle to communicate with their partner, parent or child. Regardless of what skills you possess where, communication is something which can be learned. And always, always enhanced.

Really? Communication can be learned? I can learn how to communicate with anyone? Yes.

Communication can be learned. You really can learn how to communicate with anyone. And then you can refine your skills, enhance your abilities so you apply your knowledge without having to think about it. Similar to how you drive your car on auto-pilot, or read, or brush your teeth. Yeah, like that. It can be that easy and automatic to communicate with confidence. With anyone. Anywhere. Anytime.

So, why would you want to?

Good communication makes our lives easier. It makes it more fun, happier and richer. It avoids pain and misunderstanding and awkwardness caused through mis-communication. When we communicate with confidence, we expend less energy, time and money. This gives us more energy time and money for other adventures, like time with our kids, or holidays or parties, or rest and relaxation in whatever form you desire.

It’s possible there exists a whole myriad of skills, a menu, a system which, when utilised could change your life forever.

What if there was? What if you could learn it now, see the skills, know how to apply them? What if by simply applying a step-by-step system, your relationships suddenly became easier, more fun, simpler?

What if you could suddenly speak the language of your child, parent, friend, agent, customer, client? What percentage would this improve your life? How much shinier would it look?

How would it sound if things felt easier and joyful and peace-filled?

Read my book Confident Communication for Leaders to make that happen now.